If you could live your life over again, what would you change? It’s a powerful question that prompts us to reflect on our choices and values. Many of us would revisit pivotal moments—high school decisions, college years, relationships, or even a situation from last week. These reflections often reveal what truly matters to us. For many, the answer revolves around relationships, and how we handled them in moments of conflict or misunderstanding.
Regrets and Relationships: Lessons from a Study
Karl Pillemer, a researcher who interviewed 1,500 people over the age of 65, found a common theme among their regrets: unresolved family or relationship conflicts. The things we argue about in our 40s, or even earlier, often lose their significance decades later. For example, one participant shared how a disagreement over an inheritance created a years-long rift between siblings. Looking back in their 70s, they wished they’d prioritized their bond over the financial squabble. Another story involved a father and son who stopped speaking over a career choice. Decades later, the father admitted he barely remembered why it had mattered so much to him at the time.
The Importance of Repairing Relationships
If you’re currently struggling in a relationship—with a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a child, or even a close friend—this is a reminder to take a step back and evaluate the bigger picture. What’s the long-term value of holding onto anger or resentment? Sometimes, it’s about making the first move: reaching out with an apology, extending forgiveness, or opening the door for an honest conversation. While these steps can feel difficult, they’re often the foundation for healing and rebuilding what was lost.
Focus on What Truly Matters
In the end, relationships are far too important to waste. Life is fleeting, and the people we hold dear are what make it meaningful. If there’s an opportunity to repair a bond, seize it before time takes that chance away. As the voices of wisdom in Pillemer’s study remind us, the things that divide us today may mean nothing tomorrow, but the people we share our lives with will always matter.