In the Netflix movie Hustle, Adam Sandler plays an NBA scout dedicated to discovering and developing the next standout basketball player. During one training session, Sandler begins shouting distracting and derogatory comments at the athlete—trying to simulate the high-pressure environment of professional sports. After one particularly cutting remark, the athlete misses a shot and says, “That’s not cool.”
Sandler quickly responds:
“You know what’s not cool? A grown man allowing another grown man to hurt his feelings.”
That line hit hard—and it should. Because whether we’re aware of it or not, many of us let the words and moods of others dictate our mindset and performance.
Table of Contents
How Often Do You Let Others Control Your Mood?
Think about it:
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How often do you let your boss’s tone or a coworker’s criticism ruin your day—or your week?
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How many times have you obsessed over one negative review, while ignoring a dozen positive ones?
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Have you ever felt deflated because your team didn’t properly acknowledge your hard work?
These moments of emotional vulnerability can slowly erode your confidence and sabotage your performance. Instead of fueling growth, they increase negative self-talk, drain motivation, and keep you from showing up as your best self.
High Performers Don’t Get Their Feelings Hurt—They Get Focused
Great leaders, elite athletes, and high-level performers don’t avoid criticism or setbacks. They feel frustration, anger, even disappointment—but they channel those emotions. They don’t spiral. They respond.
Their confidence doesn’t come from applause or external validation—it comes from values, hard work, and ownership. People like Michael Jordan, Richard Branson, or the late Pat Summitt didn’t achieve greatness by playing small or seeking approval. They knew who they were, they stayed locked into their mission, and they consistently outworked everyone.
Confidence Built on Approval Will Always Break
Here’s the truth: there will always be someone or something trying to take you off your game. But that only works if you let it. If your confidence is rooted in someone else’s praise, you’re setting yourself up to fall apart at the first sign of disapproval.
The most powerful leaders don’t just do the work—they let the work define their worth. Not someone else’s comment, email, tone, or tweet.
3 Practical Shifts to Build Unshakable Confidence
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Detach from approval.
Begin measuring your success by effort, not opinions. -
Fuel feedback into focus.
When someone criticizes you, ask: What can I learn?—then get to work. -
Own your identity.
Know what you value, what you bring, and what you’re building—so no one else can define it for you.
Final Thought
You don’t need thicker skin—you need a stronger core. Stop giving other people power they were never meant to have. Let your values guide you. Let your work define you. And let your confidence come from within.
Reflection Questions
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When was the last time you let someone’s words control your emotions?
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What would change if your self-worth came from your values instead of validation?
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What’s one area where you can start showing up with more intention and less reactivity?